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Text Box: 'How to build rapport with others?' series Part 1 - Can you see me, please like me, I’m like you People are very concerned about how other people feel or react to them. They yearn to be loved, accepted and be approved by those around them. They will do anything just to be a part of all that is happening around them. “Can you see me, please like me,” is one of their very cry of a “please notice me" ’s heart. Why must you like me? Because I‘m “like” you. Are we really like them? How can it be that I’m like someone else. Aren’t they probably and entirely different from me? Different hair? Different age? Different gender? Different preference in TV programs? or in politics or even in religion? True! Absolutely right!! We are different in many ways. But the problem is “we have become so good at noticing differences” that we’ve forgotten that we are also alike in many ways. There was a time we would have grown up around people who also grew up around us. We were much more alike, at least on the surface level. Nowadays, we are more diverse because many of us are living in the cities and suburbs, where there are many different “kinds” of people. Reflect on this, every person we meet was once a baby, needed support, love and guidance, was learning to eat, walk, to talk etc. We toddled, fell, drooled, wet the diapers and were talking baby talk. Yes, every one, Presidents, great men, movie stars, bankers, doctors, grandparents and many others. All of us did these common things. Is it any different now? Don’t we still yearn for love and approval? Don’t we all jump with a fright at sudden noises, get a nervous in new places or around new people? That goes without saying, we all do. It’s hardwired into all of us. We all have these drives and reflexes because they came with our survival circuits. All of us have hearts, nervous systems, adrenal glands that pump us up when we are excited nor nervous or even scared or mad. We all desire to love and be loved. We want to be safe. We want to be understood and we want to be “okay”, good, alright and fantastic. Can we see or feel, we are all potentially “alike“ in many ways. In fact when you think about it, we are alike in MORE ways than we are different. The mind works in a strange way, you see “The mind” produces what we focus on. “What you focus on will determine what you put out”. Are we focused on how different the other person is from us, or can you focus on how we are basically similar or alike? We are always sending out signals about what we are most aware of whether it’s our likeness or our differences. Let’s talk about how we affect each other. How we interact? When we are observing people talking, can we be looking at how they interact with each other, instead of studying them as single individuals. Because we have an impact on each other, this dance of interaction can be complex and interesting. Every one thinks in the language of the “senses”. The meaning is we are all making pictures, sounds, feelings, tastes and smells in our minds and are processing and blending them together to make impressions or meanings of the happenings. Some of these are impressions that will pass for experience of each passing moment. Some of these are either memories, or experimental fantasies or plans that we try on for an instant and then move on. Generally, we are not conscious of them. If we are called upon just to watch all of these activities going on inside our heads, we will be amazingly entertained and amused that a three circus will be deemed boring. They flavor and season whatever is happening to us and around us in that moment. What we consider as the experience of a given moment is in actual fact consisted of the making up of our internal senses than what is actually happening outside of us. Hey, we are in a world of our own. What we see or feel hear may not be exactly what is happening outside of our body. Another fact is that our mind affects our body and its language and the body and its language affect our mind. It is a constant looping activity. Now imagine with us, we have two persons, who have their own internal systems and physiology, interacting, what will happen? Each one, affected by what is on the inside and the outside of his body, is now affecting each other. Until both of them get into alignment with each other, mismatch and misunderstanding will be the result. What more if we keep on looking out for differences between us. You see, there is a basic fact to be learned from “life among mammals”. We like people that we think are thinking and acting like us. That means, if we want to let someone know that we like them, perhaps we’ll also let them know that we are like them. How are we going to do that? We can do that through our body language, our pacing their way of talking and the way we show that we find them interesting. When we match another person’s voice tones and pacing and their physical posture, they are going to receive subliminal message that we are more like them than being different. And they will like you more. Probably, you’re already doing it automatically and unconsciously. Now that you know this, you can increase the numbers of people you can get along with, to like them, they like you, because both of you are alike. An exercise to equip our skill of “how to be like others” Just notice of people who are together. Observe their body positions. Are they leaning towards one another, looking at each other or past each other? How are their arms positioned and their legs. Are they in similar or complimentary posture? Just treat yourself to a wonderful display of our universal humanity, our loves, our yearnings, our fears and our ambitions, by being a keen observer. Author: Roderick Chua MA, NLP Practitioner   Copyright @ 2006 Anmozel Pte Ltd. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright @ 2006 Anmozel Pte Ltd. All rights reserved.